What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 03:52
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We all went to grammer schools
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What makes you feel guilty the most?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
5 takeaways from Seahawks organized team activities | Analysis - The Seattle Times
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So whats the point in blame.
Would you join a gym or workout at home and why?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My family never makes their pension either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
All international travelers should get measles vaccinations, CDC says - AP News
He knew the spot.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I could never make a relationship work though!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She married twice! .
What happens to adults with Down syndrome when their parents can't look after them any more?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But it wasn’t much.
Walking more may lower your risk for chronic low back pain by 23%, study suggests - KSL.com
Im still living with it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
346 Million-Year-Old Fossil Rewrites the Story of Life on Land - SciTechDaily
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And i lived it daily.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She wouldn,t have been !
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She found it foreign!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Comes on , in middle age.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She loved him until the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I have no regrets .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was in good health!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was seconnd youngest,
Ive learnt so much.
We were not on the streets..
One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My life is so biszare .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I write beautiful poetry .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So, i spoilt her more .
I said to her
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Put me off passion for life!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
All the time i was locked up.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Would this be the day?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
This is soul school!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I will be 64.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But ive been too sick for many years..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
It was going to be , some day.
Who then, do I blame.?
I don,t even have a pension.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)